The New Year Pressure That Doesn’t Fit Everyone

For neurodivergent individuals, embracing a new year brings a lot of pressure.

The world seems to be fixated around setting New Year’s resolutions. You know the drill: “Get organized,” “Save more money,” “Get fit.” These goals sound good on paper, but if you’re working with a neurodivergent brain, they can feel like an unachievable checklist that’s only fitted for neurotypicals.

The truth is, most traditional resolutions rely on rigid timelines, black-and-white success measures, and the assumption that everyone’s brain works the same way, without room to accommodate for unique challenges and struggles that a neurodivergent person is facing.

Whether you are diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, on the spectrum, NY resolutions that don’t account for your needs can quickly become sources of stress. Let’s dive deeper to find out why.

Traditional Goals Are One-Size-Fits-All (But Neurodivergent Brains Are Not)

The main problem with traditional resolutions is that they are often designed with the neurotypical person in mind. These goals tend to be, well designed based on the function pattern of a neurotypical mind, where it’s often a continuous group of tasks, such as “lose weight” or “save money,” which don’t account for the unique needs and challenges of neurodivergent individuals.

The Problem with "All or Nothing" Thinking

One of the biggest reasons traditional resolutions fail is because they leave no room for imperfection. You’re either succeeding at your goal, or you’re failing—and that’s it. Miss one gym session? Fail. Eat sugar one day? Fail. It’s an exhausting exercise that is certain to be a nightmare for any procrastinator and perfectionist.

For those of us who struggle with consistency or get overwhelmed by large, abstract goals, this all-or-nothing approach feels impossible to maintain. Life happens. Energy dips, distractions arise, and motivation wavers. Resolutions need to allow for flexibility, so you can pick up where you left off without the shame of feeling like you’ve “failed.”

Instead of saying, “I’m going to work out every day this year,” try reframing it as:

“I’ll move my body in ways that feel good as often as I can.”

It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress.

Rigid Timelines Don’t Work for Everyone

Another common pitfall of traditional resolutions is the pressure of strict timelines. “By February, I’ll do X. By March, I’ll accomplish Y.” Deadlines might motivate some people, but for many neurodivergent individuals, they create stress and overwhelm. The looming pressure of a ticking clock can make it harder to even begin.

If a timeline helps you, great—but if it doesn’t, scrap it. Goals can still be meaningful without rigid deadlines. Instead, focus on the journey and celebrate small milestones along the way. Progress doesn’t have to look linear, and that’s perfectly okay.

For example:

• Instead of “I’ll declutter the whole house by March,” try “I’ll spend 10 minutes a day organizing spaces that matter most to me.”

Small, sustainable actions will get you further than unrealistic timelines ever will.

Focusing on Weaknesses Instead of Strengths

Traditional resolutions often fixate on what we need to “improve” or “fix” about ourselves. But constantly focusing on our weaknesses can feel discouraging and cause self-guilt, which might lead to inattentive masking. For neurodivergent people, this approach ignores our unique strengths, creativity, and ways of thinking.

What if, instead of viewing resolutions as a list of things you’re “bad at,” you approached them as an opportunity to honor what you’re already great at?

For example:

• If you love novelty, set a goal to try something new each month.
• If you thrive with structure, create small routines that bring you comfort.
• If you’re highly passionate about certain interests, lean into them and see where they take you.

Resolutions don’t have to be about what’s “wrong.” They can celebrate what’s right and help you grow from there.

The Importance of Flexibility and Self-Compassion

If there’s one thing that traditional New Year’s resolutions lack, it’s flexibility. Life is unpredictable, and our energy, capacity, and focus can change day by day. Neurodivergent individuals need resolutions that adapt to their lives—not the other way around.

Allowing yourself room to shift and change your goals is not “giving up.” It’s about respecting where you’re at and being compassionate with yourself along the way. Some days, you might feel motivated to tackle big steps. Other days, a small effort is more than enough—and that counts, too.

Imagine setting a resolution like:

“I’ll do my best to take care of myself in ways that feel manageable and sustainable.”

It’s gentle, it’s adaptable, and it’s powerful.

Support and Encouragement Make a Difference

Resolutions often feel like a solitary mission, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Having a support system—whether it’s friends, loved ones, or an online community—can help you stay encouraged and accountable.

This might look like:

• Checking in weekly with a friend to celebrate small wins.
• Using apps or planners to track progress in a fun, low-pressure way.
• Sharing your journey with others who get it—whether that’s neurodivergent friends or supportive online spaces.

You don’t have to go it alone.

Final Thoughts: Resolutions That Work for You

This year, think about ditching the cookie cutter resolutions that leave us feeling like we’re not enough. Instead, set goals that celebrate who you are, work with your brain, and make space for flexibility, progress, and self-compassion.

You don’t need to be perfect, and you don’t need to “fix” yourself. You’re already enough as you are. Resolutions that honor your strengths and work for you—not against you—can make 2024 a year of growth, joy, and authenticity.