Supporting Your ND Friend Without Accidentally Gaslighting Them

We all want to be good friends, but when you or your pal is neurodivergent, the line between “supportive” and “oops, that came out wrong” can get blurry fast. Sometimes the things we say with good intentions — like “everyone feels that way sometimes” — can land as dismissive, invalidating, or even gaslighting.

So, how do you actually support your ND friend without stepping on those landmines? Here are a few tips (sprinkled with humor, because awkwardness loves company).

1. Listen First, Fix Never

Your friend isn’t always looking for solutions — sometimes they just want to vent about their anxiety brain screaming at them while they’re trying to buy groceries. Instead of “fixing,” try listening. A simple, “your feelings are valid” goes a lot further than unsolicited life hacks. (We have that pin, of course. Put it on a shirt to show you care)

2. Don’t Downplay Their Struggles

If your friend says they’re burned out or overstimulated, resist the urge to say, “oh, you’ll be fine.” That’s the verbal equivalent of throwing gasoline on their anxiety fire. Even a gentle reminder like “progress over perfection” shows you get it — life doesn’t need to be flawless, just surviving.

3. Respect the Social Battery

Your friend cancels plans last minute? Or goes quiet in a group chat? That’s not them being flaky — it’s just “no social battery” moment kicking in. Respecting their energy levels instead of guilt-tripping them is one of the best ways you can show up as a friend.

4. Ask What They Actually Need

Everyone’s different. Some days, your friend might need a pep talk. Other days, they might need memes and silence. It’s okay to ask, “Do you want advice, or just someone to sit with you?” That small check-in avoids assumptions (and accidental gaslighting).

Closing Hugs from this AuDHDer

Being a supportive friend doesn’t mean being perfect — it just means being mindful. With a little listening, a little humor, and 0 gaslighting, you can make your ND friends feel seen, safe, and appreciated. And trust me, they’ll notice the difference.